The Tattoo Story - Finally

So there it is in all it's glory. It has settled down some since then and is no longer shiny.

I will go an get it colored in sometime next month.

I think it is a beautiful thing. And I do not think I will ever get another tattoo. My previous statement holds. I see no reason to seek out pain.

ordinarily.

But this felt right and good and calming. I chose my flowers with great care. These are rare and beautiful flowers, they are a flash of beauty in an other wise dusty and bleak world. They are rare and exotic. I was unable to find an example of this tattoo online.

So I arrived at the parlor with lots of pictures and my story. I introduced myself to the lady I had chosen based on her portfolio online. Her name is Ana and she had a picture of herself with her horse in her gallery.

When I walked in I told her what I wanted and took out my photos. She was immediately excited. Turns out that the "night blooming cereus" is her favorite flower and she has a plant in her house in Hawaii.

Then I told her why I wanted the tattoo. Turns out she also had an ectopic pregnancy that resulted in emergency surgery.

As she said - you won't hear that from a male tattoo artist. It was fated really.

"I'll draw up your photo and while you're under the needle we can swap OR stories."

And that is exactly what we did. and while she inked me she kept exclaiming about how great she thought it was looking. She also used her "sacred heart" needle because it was a love tatoo. And it was a little more than I expected and it was totally right for what it was. I sat under the needle for two and a half hours.

This was what I needed. When I needed it.

And I have this forever memorial. And it is also a celebration. And that is how all memorials should be.

I had some bad moments this weekend. I was walking along with my husband and the kids were running ahead. Out of nowhere came this thought:

"You know I would be 5 months now and I would be showing."

He looked at me from behind his glasses and hummed a little "hmmm". Not sure what to say to that.

I looked away too, because I wasn't sure what was supposed to come next either.

And then a few weeks ago I hung out with a woman who has the same due date as I did. (I have to wonder why they told me my due date when they knew I wasn't going to make it...)

When she said the date it didn't just affect me. It attacked me like a man hidden behind a corner just waiting for me to come his way. I was caught so off guard by this that I had to go to the restroom to cry. Sob actually.

And I couldn't go near that woman again. Looking at her physically hurt me.

I had to leave the restaurant.

So. I am healing. The scars have stopped itching, the tattoo no longer hurts and the laughter has returned.

But I am still healing.