Friday, July 25, 2008

Why I hate Verizon or How I spent my Thursday

Why I hate verizon
oh mere words can barely tell
the place that I would put them
'cause they're too evil just for hell

Verizon saps the joy
from my tiny little life
and fills it up with lost connections
missed appointments and, well, strife

I hate the frustration
and the waiting
and the waiting
and the waiting

That's all Verizon is to me
so I waited and I waited
But it wasn't meant to be

No blazing net connection
no dazzling TV screen
Instead I am still waiting
for my promised FIOS dream

I am sad to say Verizon
does not care about my day
and tells me they can't reschedule
until very far away

And while I hate verizon
There is one thing that's for sure
much as I hate Verizon
I hate Comcast even more

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Planes, trains and etc.

I am leaving on a jet plane. And I will not be back again until - well, Tuesday.
I will be loading my wee ones onto a plane today where we will meet their father in Florida.

I am a little nervous.

And the fact that my two year old was called into the principle's office twice yesterday doesn't help.

I have traveled with my kiddos alone before but one was a little bittle infant and somehow that seemed far easier.

Maybe. Maybe not. I guess we'll see.

Overall I am just relieved to be going. Vacation and I are long time, long trusted friends. I would love to have vacation as a job.

Not sure yet how that can work because they do in fact seem to cancel each other out but I am going to give it some serious thought.

While on vacation.

Did I mention that I am going away?

On vacation.

I will be with my folks who seem to have been busy this past week planning ways to make sure that I have the best vacation ever.

I love my parents. I love their house with it's pool and hot tub. I love that they will wine and dine us and most importantly -

I love that they love to babysit!

I will be going with my mom, my cousin and my aunt to lunch and then to see Mama Mia. And later that day, or the next (isn't vacation wonderful?) I will be going out on the town with my love. While Nona and Pop pop commune with the kiddies.

Yipee just doesn't cover it but you get the point.

I think vacations are what life is actually all about. Those are the things you remember and what you draw on to get you through the monotony of everyday life.

I am happiest when I have that next vacation to look forward to - this even made my favorite things list - and the memories of a recent vacation can carry me happily through my regular life for a while.

So. I pity you your ordinary life as you sit and do what you do everyday. I was there yesterday and will be back there on Tuesday but for a few glorious days - I am going to be on holiday!

Peace out.

Friday, July 11, 2008

What's in a name?

I hate my name. I always have. It became apparent to me at a pretty early age that I do not look at all like what people expect when they hear my name.

I often heard:
"Oh, I thought you'd be blonde."

Which I translated into:
"Oh. I thought you'd be cuter."

So during college I tried to go by my middle name. Nicole.

I think, overall, that this is a name that better suits me. It is a stronger name. Less fluffy. I never got that slightly disappointed and confused look when I introduced myself as Nicole.

But it didn't stick.

My mom tried. While I was home on break she would try to remember to call me Nicole.

My dad didn't. Neither did my brother (but he was away at college too at this point and didn't call me much of anything).

But to them - I WAS my name. Didn't matter if it suited. It was who I was. How they thought of me. They didn't think of my name as anything other than my name. Which is true of friends and family whenever I mention that I don't like my name. They don't get it. Because to them I am Tiffany. Not "a Tiffany".

"A Tiffany" is not who I am, I have instead defined the name as myself. If that makes any sense to you - then congratulations.

But all of this name reflection gave me great pause as I sat forming a baby for nine months. This is a HUGE decision. And I have always played the name game. I love to name things. I love to give names to inanimate objects. My house is named Ashley, my car is name Mackenzie (but I just call her Mac), etc. One of the things I like most is choosing a name. Giving something a label that matches how I feel about it or what I think about it.

So you can see why naming a baby is such a monumental task.
What if the name didn't suit the person the baby would one day become? What if I chose a name that was perfect for my toddler but a horrible name for a grown woman.

So this is what I did.

I started thinking about who I wanted my child to be.

I wanted her to be strong.

I wanted her to have a poet's soul.

I wanted her to be empathetic.

I wanted her to be empowered to fight for what she believes in.

I wanted her to be passionate.

I wanted her to love life and take the time to enjoy it.

The list is long. Longer than I have written here. But once I had given some thought to what I wanted for my daughter, I thought about the women I knew that possessed some of those traits. And so I thought of the women I admired most.

And so my daughter is named Maya. For Maya Angelou.

And it turns out that this is a popular name right now. And it is not because of the poet. I'm not sure why it gained such popularity but it did. And Maya is one of 3 Maya's in her daycare.

But she is the only one named for one of the greatest writers of our time.

Good name. Great connotation and connection.

And I am sure at some point, she will hate it.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Hey Ho Howdy

Any one read Sandra Boyton - hmm I think I butchered her last name. oh well. Hey Ho Howdy is one of the dinosaurs from her book. He is a happy fellow with a guitar and he is always friendly.

This is just a quick note to say hello.

I am crazy busy at work the past few weeks so I have been limited in my blogging. And WHERE THE HELL DID JUNE GO?

I have been bad about reading blogs and worse at commenting. so...

How ya been?

I will think of something that is fun tonight and post tomorrow.


Quick Cute kid moment:

Me to my son: "we can't do that tonight, sorry charlie"

my son to me - with as much indignation as a two year old can muster:
"not charlie mama - D!"

I laughed out loud before assuring him that it was just a saying.

And then I had to try and remember where the saying came from.

Do you know?

hint: something's fishy about this question...

Thursday, July 03, 2008

A few of my favorite things

When A tube pops. When A life stops. When I'm feeling sad. I simply remember a few of these things, and then I don't feel so bad.

I am ignoring the obvious here. My daughter, my son, my husband, my extended family not because they do not matter but because they matter so much it seems silly to list them here.

The following are things that make me smile. Always, no matter what. It's a fun list - you should try it.

1. A child's laugh.
Any child. Any laugh.

2. A hanging swing or hammock.
I made a promise to myself that I would never walk by one without stopping and I have kept it. Sort of my version of stopping to smell the flowers.

3. A vast open field.
I cannot pass a huge field without dreaming of the ride I would take across it if I were on horse back.

4. The smell of baking cookies.

5. Any song from Annie.
Almost any musical will do this but Annie is sure-fired.

6. A puppy, kitten or any other animal baby.
I like almost every animal in it's baby form. Even lizards are cute when they are tiny.

7. Infants.
Love the sound, smell and sight of them. Always have, always will.

8. Old couples in love.
Even when I wasn't one, I still thought this was such a sweet sweet sight. An elderly couple holding hands will evoke that same "aaaawwww" smile that infants do.

9. A picture of either of my kids as infants. (see 7 and quadruple it)
Okay I couldn't help it. They are damn cute.

10. Nature.
Our planet is this amazing place and I see things every day that amaze and astound me. I am happiest with dirt under my nails and grass under my ass.

11. Vacation.
This includes the planning for and dreaming about stages as well. I am happiest when I know when our next vacation is so I know how long I have til the fun starts.

12. A great book.
A good book will do, but a great book? That can make my year.

13. Motown music.
My parents were huge motown fans (still are) and almost any song from that era will make me smile and groove. My kids will most likely be Motown fans too. Great stuff.

I'm sure there's more but this is where I stop. To do one of my other favorite things - read blogs.

And so of course I challenge you to think about your favorite things. This was a fun list to write and I invite you to do the same.

Again, happy 4th!


So I need to (and want to) say thanks to all of you who posted words of support and comfort to my last post. I am feeling better and thinking about the whole "blogging while depressed" thing and whether I should be put on restriction. It's almost like a drunk call.

It's a moment. And it passes. But not if you've placed it up on the net for all to see for the rest of days.

But it felt very nice to get the comments and calls. So thank you.

I was watching some very disturbing September 11th video this morning. And I was crying. Sitting at my desk in my office. Crying.

And it felt good.

Because this is something to cry about. And I knew that anyone who walked into my office and saw what I was watching would not only understand but they would feel the same way.

We all felt the same way.

We all remember where we were that day. We all remember how we heard and who we were with. We all felt similar things.

panic. concern. panic. loss. concern.

All of us. All Americans. All of America. And much of the world. Unified.

We all held our breaths hoping for the best and cried openly and without shame when we took that breath as the worst happened.

We all put out our flags of support. We all grieved the lost.

We honored the heroes and mourned the innocent. All of us. Together.

That is the America I am choosing to honor this July 4th.

That unified America. That great America.

Those few days where color did not matter, race did not matter, politics did not matter. Those few days where we showed each other that the dream that built this country can indeed come true.

The America that I hope we will one day be able to achieve without the loss of life and catastrophe.

So I wish you a Happy Birthday little country.

We are young and we are learning but we have so much potential.

I wish you all a safe and happy July 4th.

editor's note: I in no way agree with those that say we needed 9/11 as a "wake up call" because that is such a ridiculous notion, there is no word sufficient to describe it. I am just commenting on the moments of unity that came from these very senseless acts of violence.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008


I feel the balance shifting again.
You know that ever precarious balance between happiness and sadness. Comfort and...well, discomfort.
The weight is sliding toward me and I can feel the pressure.

It's showing itself in lots of ways.

1. I am crankier with my kids.

I hate it when I am cranky with my kids.

2. I am unhappy with my friendship circle.

The fact that I don't actually have one is what's making me sad. To be exact.

3. I am thinking about my work to life balance and it is troubling.

Does anyone ever say - "oh I appear to be having too much fun living my life - I
should probably get to work?" I mean other than politicians. Sometimes. maybe.
Okay, no one ever says that.

4. My house is driving me insane.

We have a lot to do and it is so hard sometimes to do what I am always telling my
husband to do and focus instead on all that we have done since we moved in. Golly
aren't I annoying? What am I a cheerleader?

5. The events of recent months are weighing on me.

For a while I felt like I was bothered by my ectopic pregnancy and subsequent loss
of baby and fallopian tube just because I thought I should be. Just because I
knew it should bother me. But it does. It legitimately bothers me.

And now that I am hormonally recovered - I annoy myself.

I have taken 2 pregnancy tests every month since this happened 3 months ago. I'm not sure if I am worried or hopeful.

This is a very painful game I am playing with myself.

Every time I get a gas pain I freak out that it is another ftube baby.

I sometimes think my body still thinks it is is 5 months pregnant.

I am tired.

All the time, tired.

And for today I am feeling a little like an escape is in order. But I get about 1/2 hour of every day to myself. That is when my husband puts the kids to bed and during that time I am making dinner.


I am thinking I am in serious need of some me time.