I was at a meeting last night for our daycare's parent group and one of the mom's made the above statement.
I was struck by two things.
1.She clearly has no guilt associated with that statement
2.I feel the same way
So the fact that I always feel that I should follow up any declarations of the above sentiment with the sentence "don't get me wrong I love my children" clearly illustrates that I am not yet guilt free about 1.
And the fact is that I do love my kids. Both of them. Dearly.
And the fact is that it is better for both of them that I work. I am not a stay at home mom sort.
My husband got a promotion and a raise. It made me think "Maybe I could stay home now" but you know, I could have stayed home before. If I had really wanted to. I didn't then, I don't now.
Because that's not the relationship I want with my family. And while I do miss some extra special moments with my kids I also make some extra special moments with my kids whenever I do have the time to spend with them. And that time is special. Extra special even.
And I would never say that my choice is the best option for all women everywhere. And I have always believed that the only real mommy war was the one we seem to fight with ourselves. Every family is different. Every child is different. Every woman is different.
And sure, I sometimes wonder about what my kids are missing out on. I wonder what sort of charmed childhood I am depriving them of.
I wonder how moms who stay home to raise their kids look at me.
And I wonder how long it would have taken me to require medication if I had chosen to stay home myself.
Again. Loving my life, my accomplishments and my choices.
But always questioning.
I am a true Agnostic. Apparently, in every aspect of my life.
Questions are good. And finding out that I am comfortable with the answer already - even better.
Here's hoping you are enjoying brief moments of contentment in your life.
If you would like to share your thoughts about why your family has chosen the life path you are currently on, I would love to hear them.
Ooh and big thanks to memegrl for finding a non denominational malaria campaign. Apparently I was not looking hard enough. Check it out Malaria No More. And try to look past the American Idol spin...;)
2 comments:
In catching up on old magazines I found a great article on Leslie Bennetts, who wrote on women who "have it all," depending on how you care to define it--as in, not Wonder Woman at work or SuperMom at home, but thriving on the job and raising nice kids who love them. She had lots of interesting things to say. Might be worth seeing if her book is out in paperback.
I will say that my one regret about not getting back to work sooner after my kids were born is that now if I do go back, as I learned from even my minimal part-time, the trauma at the perceived rejection is much greater than it would have been if they'd grown up used to it.
I love my kids too, both of them dearly and working is the only way to go. I admit there are times when I look at a long weekend with a bit of dread. I stayed home for two years with my first and learned my lesson. Different strokes for different folks.
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