I have not regained control of my emotions. I still cry at the drop of a hat. I am hopeful that this emotional roller coaster will end soon. My scars have healed. My life is moving on. Surely my hormones will catch on soon.
Here is what made me cry today: (and it is only noon!)
I saw a photo of a starving child in Africa by accident this morning. I cried.
My friend Anjali wrote about the perfectness (is that a word?) that is her family. It made me cry.
My husband left me a birthday present on the dining room table while he was home for (literally) 9 hours last night. It was not the content, just the thought. I was tearing and couldn't open it.
My husband bought a sitting with photographer for our first set of professional family photos for my birthday. It was the gift, and the thought on that one.
My week old nephew was crying while I was on the phone with my brother. I was smiling and crying.
I sneezed this morning and then gagged. This was a morning routine my entire pregnancy with both kids. I was crying as I mentally reminded my body that I am not actually pregnant.
And I am tired of writing about sadness and loss and this will be final post on this subject. For a while anyway.
My love and I made two important decisions recently.
We will wait until this next time year to put our house on the market and move to Havertown but we will in fact move there before Maya starts school.
We would like it if I was heavy with our next child by that time.
So A Toast to New Beginnings.
I am 35 today. I like to think that I am starting a new year. Fresh start.
And yet, while writing most of this post?
I was crying.
And I am done.