A conversation about size

"mommy you're fat..."

This from my four year old daughter as she sits on the toilet. I am in the shower and accordingly, I am naked.

"what did you say?" I ask as a stall, I heard her just fine.

"mommy you are fat"

um.

"yes baby, I know I am fat."

pause as she moves on to another topic and I wonder if I handled this right.

So after some thought I add:
"you know Mai it's not a good thing to tell someone they are fat. They might not like it."

This after I envision the many weight check ins she is giving random people at the store.

"but you are fat" is her response.

"yes, I am. And it is okay to talk to mommy about being fat but it's kind of ... bad manners...to tell other people that they are fat."

"oh."

digesting
digesting
digesting

"but you do have a fat belly."

"yep"


I struggle with this. Not my weight. She's right. No struggle there.

But to her pointing out my weight is much like pointing out the color of my hair - just a fact, neither good or bad. It just is and I don't want that to change.

But I know it will. She will become judgmental just as she will become judged.

And one day she will use the word "fat" as a weapon, just as I am sure it will be used against her.

And that is not a prediction of her future weight, just her future girlhood.