Gratitude

I was taught my please and thank yous early.

I am trying to do the same with my children. I believe that manners and respect for others is imperative.

I was also taught to write a thank you note. I know that not everyone is and somehow I just can't get past how rude I think it is when I do something for someone and don't even get acknowledged, much less a thank you. It makes me mad that I am so...classist?

I don't mean class in the traditional use of the word because I don't think that good manners are an upper class thing. Actually, I think the opposite is true in many cases. I do think that a "classy lady" is one that is quick and sincere with her please and thank yous.

I wish I were more altruistic. I wish I did good deads simply for the doing of them.

I am not. I want a thank you.

The weird thing here is that I am okay with no thank yous when I do something for someone in crisis. I understand that stress can strip away your please and thank you. I am somehow understanding of the actions I truly do because someone is hurting or in need. I expect no thank you then.

The irony is that this is also when you are most likely to get a thank you or a note.

Hell, an email thank you is more than appropriate in today's world.

I once sent a thank you note for a birthday present (which I have never actually agreed with) and received a note in return. My father insisted that I write a thank you note back. I refused. Several weeks later the woman asked my father if I had ever received her note.

I know this tactic because I use it myself. The actual question here is - "Don't you have manners enough to at least ackowledge my kind act?". In this case I thought a thank you note FOR a thank you note was just a bit much.

I send a card or email when I go to a friend's for dinner. I think that acknowledging the work they did and the good time we had is worth the time and the stamp.

I have little patience for those who can't even say thank you when you have done them a favor. While this will certainly not end a friendship, it will stop me from helping next time.

I just needed to vent.

Thank you for listening.

(see? how hard was that?)

For the love of Dog

My daughter and I have entered into a new groove when it comes to the night night routine. For about a year now she has preferred that daddy put her night night. I bravely tried not to be upset by this. I told myself that I get to spend more time with her because I am her taxi service to and from school and we get more quality time then.

I didn't buy it.
Neither did my husband.

We asked her what daddy does that mommy doesn't do. She was not forthcoming.

Turns out, daddy talks to her. Each night before he leaves her room, he leans in and tells her thank you for being a good girl and tells her how proud he is to be her daddy and talks about her day.

So I started telling her stories about life before Maya.
I told her the story of how mommy and daddy met. How mommy and Unkie MC celebrated xmas as kids. I told her about daddy and Kikki celebrated theirs. I also told her about her birthday, Dean's birthday and the days we picked up the dogs and brought them home.

This is by far her favorite story.

She likes to hear about the doggies. She snuggles into bed after we have talked and says goodnight rather happily.

She likes talking. And I like that she doesn't cry "no I want daddy to do it!" when she's told that I am taking her upstairs to bed.

Thank dog.

One Nation under Blog

I went to book group last night. The book was Barak Obama's first book Dreams from my father. Very interesting book, very interesting discussion. Several key points were discussed last night.
The status of the nation under Bush
The protection of family privacy while still being free to be yourself, honestly (in writing, in blogs, etc)
The next president
The status of Muslims in America
Racial Identity

and in the car on the ride home I talked to one of the moms who stays home with her kids and the struggle she faces with that decision.

She is only home while the kids are young and she wants to go back to work in a year or two. She kept talking about how it didn't feel permanent to her. (that might not be the right word choice there but I have a horrible memory). And it occured to me that stay at home moms that know they want to go back to work one day are in essence on a very long maternity leave.

Let me say this with all the love in my heart for my children, my family and my home.

I hated maternity leave. HATED IT!

I loved my new baby, I loved the cuddle time and the joyous moments of discovery.

I hated the fact that I was suddenly expected to do all of the house work. I hated that the baby was somehow only my responsibility. I hated that my husband left home and met with fun and interesting people and came home to me to tell me fun and intersting stories of his day. I hated that I became jealous of his female coworker and began to wonder about all of the time he spent with her. I began to hate my house for its creaks and moans. I was miserable.

I think limbo does that to you. (think lame duck) When you know that where you are is not where you want to be in the long run. When you are doing the job now even though you know you will be moving on to another job later.

And staying at home with the intention of going back to work some day is even worse than maternity leave because you aren't sure where the going back to work will be and you worry about your career and your future because you have made the decision to stay home and raise your children.

I was honest. I choose to work. I know that this is the decision that is better for me, my kids, my husband, our life. I love to work, I love my job and I love that my husband and I are partners and the fact that we both work helps to keep that balance and make me feel as though we are equal.

I know that some of that perception is all from me. I know that SAHMs are contributing more to the family life and are therefore, in some ways, the better partner in the family relationship structure.

This mom talked about how she isn't always loving her role. She struggles with the why of that and the feeling that by 7pm she is so glad to see the end of her kid filled day. She is feeling guilty and confused. She mentioned the curse that haunts all mothers regardless of their work choices, the Perfect Mom complex. She is not the perfect mom. I wanted to ask her who her perfect mom was.

Who is it that we compare ourselves to? Our moms?

I know I don't.

My perfect mom is this wonderful amazing woman who is filled with fun craft projects, always dances and sings through her day. Has time to work, make nutritious meals, have romantic nights with her husband, all while managing all the household tasks (including the bills) and all of this with a perfect size 8 waist, a perfectly done hairdo and a smile.

I am going to make a doll. I am going to create the perfect mom. She will have a mixing bowl in one hand, a smiling happy baby in one hand, a briefcase in one hand, and a copy of the karma sutra in the other hand. (yes the perfect mom has at least 4 arms and likes to get frisky). She will have shiny perky curls, pretty stylish clothes. Sporty and expensive tennis sneakers and the biggest smile you have ever seen. She will be the perfect mom.

I will sit back and make slight adjustments to this dollf or hours. I will make sure each and every curl is in place. I will smooth her blouse and brush any dirt from her shoes. Then I will remove the doll baby from her arms and

I
will
set
her
on
fire.

I will burn Perfect Mom to the ground.

The fire will be so bright that moms from all over will come to watch as Perfect Mom burns.

And then we will dance in her ashes.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness

I developed our environmental policy while playing with my daughter the night before last.
I think that if all the nation's in the world adopted this policy we could put an end to greenhouse gases and clean up pollution worldwide.

It's a tough job but I think this will get it done:
clean up
clean up
everybody everywhere
clean up
clean up
everybody do their share

Afterall, everything I need to know I learned in kindegarten.

So simple even Bush should understand it.

In God we Trust

So I have a new year's resolution.

It is that I will not trust a word either of my parents tell me without proof or corroburation from the source.

My brother has not chosen his friend to watch over my niece should something happen to him. He trusts that family will make the decision that will be best for Raya at whatever stage her life is in should anything happen to them.

He assumes that means that between his MIL, my parents and me and Tim we will decide what will happen to Raya together. There was never a question of anything other than family. Never.

I am so relieved that I can't even be pissed at my folks.

ungodly terror

My daughter is going through a phase. Today.

I am confident that tomorrow she will be through the phase and this will be behind us.

She is pushing pushing pushing.

Today she screamed NO at me for something so small that I told her if she said no to me again she was in time out. Then she kept asking for chocolate or pudding or something like that and she asked and I told her that she might get it if she finished her lunch three times before I told her that if she asked again she was in time out. I made it to 2 with 3 on my lips at least 15 times today.

I threatened time out over and over and every time she changed her behavior just in time to avoid "the chair".

She said no to my face and smiled. She pitched ugly fits and laughed. She took 2 hours to finally fall asleep at nap time.

She also danced the hokey pokey with me. She hugged me and climbed all over me.

She smiled at me and thanked me for playing with her. And while all of that is terribly cute and terribly sweet it doesn't change the fact that she was acting terribly today.

I am hopeful that my sweet tender little girl will return soon.

And I know that when she does she will just be visiting until the teen years.

Heaven help us both.