Boobies

This post will explain the ins and outs (get it?) of a breast biopsy.

Step one.
1. Arrive at testing center worried and annoyed. (and hungry because you couldn't remember if they told you not to eat.)

2. Be greeted by the nice lady who did your ultrasound after your mammogram (nice).

3. Calm down a little.

4. Disrobe from the waist up. (a nice change from the usual request when dealing with anything female)

5. Wait a little with your tummy grumbling...

6. Lay down on the bed/table in front of the ultrasound machine while the tech checks your boob.

7. Yep, the lump is still there. (no surprise, but - gulp!)

8. Wait for the doctor to arrive...

9. Be amazed at how nice she is while she too pokes and prods your breast. (oops I forgot mention that step six is to abandon any and all modesty regarding your boobs.)

10. Listen while she explains the procedure.

11. Turn away so that you don't watch the long needle entering your breast tissue.
11a. Pretend that the boob on the ultrasound machine is not yours.

12. Be amazed at the immediate numbing of your entire boob. (what boob?)

13. Watch the ultrasound screen as she inserts a hollow shaft into your boob that reaches into the lump. (how fascinating. I can see the white line as it enters the black mass, neat!)

14. Watch (the machine)as she then inserts the biopsy needle into the hollow shaft.

15. Try not to flinch at the loud click of the biopsy needle as it snips of a portion of your boob. (if your doctor is smart, as mine was, she will have clicked this mechanism outside of your boob so you know what to expect)

16. Try not to flinch four more times as she takes a total of five samples.

17. Don't watch as she finishes and removes the biopsy needle and the hollow shaft and blood oozes down your booby.

18. Thank the doctor and tell her you will wait for her call in TWO DAYS to let you know what they find.

19. Don't ask all the questions you have if it IS cancer, you will have plenty of time for that if it IS cancer.

20. Wait with a band aid and ice pack on your poor booby in the waiting room until they tell you to go home.

21. Wait for Monday without going insane.

oh and whine a lot to your husband. They have an amazing affection for this portion of your anatomy and they are sure to be overly sympathetic...