This post has been started in my head a number of times but I have yet to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard as the case may be).
This blog started from an idea I had following another horrible act that was committed in the name of god.
I remain unclear on how religions that have the same basic principles can cause such division but I truly don't want to understand it. It is much like the star bellied sneetches.
The sum of it as I see it is this:
We want to be different, better than others and when you combine that with our need for community then in fact we want our group or community to be different and or different than another. And then you have trouble.
Oh wait, maybe I do understand it.
I just don't agree with it.
And don't get me wrong. I am not above feeling superior. Oh, no. I am pretty sure I am better than a lot of people. A WHOLE lot of people.
But I wouldn't kill them because of this. (want to, yes. actually do it, no.)
So anyway I was asked recently about my religious beliefs and I was able to answer the question the best was I have been able to - ever. I think that reflects my learned comfort level with my personal answers and my toned down lack of perceived censure from those that don't agree.
So. Here it is. I am agnostic.
I almost linked to the definition but I won't be held to it. Like all religious folk my definition of what I am is personal. I am what I feel it is to be agnostic. No two Catholics are the same. For some it means mass every day, for some it means mass every Christmas, maybe. They happily define themselves as Catholic and make no effort to reach the truest meaning of the definition.
And so it is with me.
What it means to me is that I am still asking the questions. I have not made a final decision regarding the God thing. Yet.
I still call on the ever-present deity of my youth when I am worried (in fact I made him some "bargain" promises lately that I am working hard to uphold) and all the time during sex. But for the most part that's just habit, not belief.
Because I am not sure. While I truly admire the faithful and think that there is nothing prettier than the sound of voices raised in praise of God, I am not that certain.
So I am living my life without God. This does not mean that I get angry when someone says "god bless you" when I sneeze. (you'd be surprised, I was once hissed at for this) But I say something else that means "good health to you".
And I am trying to raise my kids without God. This means they don't watch Veggie Tales because I refuse to diminish the importance that some feel for their god by treating it like any other fairy tale. That would be easy. And I rarely choose the easy route.
So I am trying to avoid the issue until they are old enough to understand the nuances. And I will talk to them then. And I will help them find answers to the questions they have. And I will let them explore their faith.
I might not know what I believe yet as far as god goes, but I have faith in my children. My strongest wish is just that they are happy and that they learn to be good people.
I have made the decision that this does not mean they need religion or god as their moral compass. They may choose differently.
And I won't want to kill them for their religious choice either.