Growing Desperate

SO it's late and I have to be excused typos.

Maya started a new class week before last. Her brother is still downstairs and starts his day with her old classmates. This morning her two best friends, Hannah and Jordan ran toward her with arms outstretched. They asked if she was staying in their room today.

She was quick to point out that no, she is in the big kids class now. She shrugged them off and asked to go upstairs. I took her.

While several of the children looked up when we entered, no one acknowledged her. No one ran over for hugs, happy for her presence. No one.

And yet she is so happy to be in that room.

It made me think. Not just about the fact that she is indeed getting bigger but about our perpetual movement toward growth.

Even though what we had was good. Great even.

Hugs and kisses missing you good.

But somehow that forward movement is better. Eagerly anticipated.

This is how it will be when she sets off from my arms. And steps into the world of crazy adultness. I will be eager for her and she will be looking forward.

I ache already.

Because it was too cute

I was riding in the car with the kids minding my own business...

"Mommy, why did Dean come out of your stomach?"

"Well honey babies only stay in the mommies stomach for a little while and then they come out."


"Oh"

"Like Dean was in my belly for a little while and you, you were in my belly too and now you're both out here with me."

Long silent pause while she ponders this.

"Mommy?"

"Yes baby?"

"Why did you eat us?"

Point and grunt

My son is getting very adept at making himself quite clearly understood with a simple point and grunt.

Up, food, toys. All at the end of his fingertip and a monosyllabic utterance.

My daughter is now doing it too. She is also mocking his sign language.

"more please" has been replaced with a furious hand flutter. And most of the time I correct her.


"Use your words." And sometimes it's just easier to cave.

So the two of them were having oatmeal and strawberries today for breakfast. Dean pointed at the fruit on the table and grunted in my general direction.

Then Maya mimed him and there were these two little ones grunting and pointing and looking beseechingly up at me. And I thought about how easy life would be if I could just point and grunt.

New bathroom for my third floor bedroom. Point. Ugh.

New suit for my upcoming business trip. Point. Ugh.

Brown sandals that are cute and feel good. Point. Ugh.

And while my mind rambled. I thought of how unfair it feels sometimes to be the mommy. Al the while both kids sat pointing and grunting. grunting and pointing. At the strawberry on the table in front of me.

So

I

ate

it.


And then had a good twenty minutes to reflect on how nice it would be if I could burst into tears and scream whenever I felt life was unfair too.

Another Lazy Blog Entry - My President

I wrote this right after the last election.

I have to say that looking back I do feel that we have come a long way from here. We seem to have woken up as a people. I still believe whole heartedly when Bush leaves office and the dust clears we will uncover the enormity of the worst administration the Unites States has ever seen. Forget the nation, he is bad for the world on so many levels. He is the president that was so bad for the environment that even people in Arkansas and Idaho are talking about greenhouse gas and emission control. While this side effect is not a bad thing - clearly - what it took to get us here is catastrophic. Kyoto! The problems that the next administration will face are monumental. It is my fear that the next in line cannot truly succeed. They will be to busy cleaning up messes to move forward.

I am hopeful. But I worry for us.

Anyway. Here is the piece I wrote a few weeks after reelection. I did in fact start screaming.

My president.

Bush is now my president. I am against all that he stands for. I am opposed to “faith” based programs that exclude and divide.

Bush is a bumper sticker president. Abortion declarations, NRA proclamations, My boss is a jewish carpenter. Bumper stickers, declarations of those views we hold dear and that divide us as a nation, as a people.

Bush is a bumper sticker.

This is my president. The man who says that God has chosen his path, God has declared his way.

This is my president. The Crusader who strikes out at religious zealots from the Middle east even though he is in fact a religious zealot from middle America.

What a country we have developed that we are allowed to voice our opinions and have our own views openly declared.

What a wonderful world we live in where we are open to make our voices heard and speak out strongly for those things we find important.

The will of the people have spoken, my president says. The will of the people are at my back as I plan to push my agenda items forward.

I am the people. And so, just as I must come to terms with the fact that Bush is my president, so must he acknowledge that he is my president. He represents me, and the 5 million other people who do not agree with him.

I will accept four more years because I have to but I will not sit idly by and let this man forget that he is my president too and this is my country as much as it is those who voted for his right wing policies.

I will stand up strong and I will shout my views if necessary. I will cover my car with one bumper sticker: “Practice Random Acts of Kindness” and I will point my car toward Washington and my president.

A little reminder

I love this country. And I don't love it in spite of the conservative right wing front. I love it because of that. I love that different views and different experiences can be expressed, embraced or disregarded. I love that we are a melange of colors, religions and beliefs. I love that we stand up and behind what we feel is right. I love that as a nation we are empowered and we feel responsible for the success of the rest of the world. I love that we elected JFK and I love that we didn't really elect George W.

The one thing I don't understand is how he got re-elected.

That sentence just made me sigh. A deep soulful sigh. We were so strong and united and poised for magical wonderful togetherness. We stood tall and united and most of the world was behind us. It makes me sad to think that this is what came of 9/11. It makes me think of the "poem" I wrote in Early November the year of his re-election. So here it is ladies and gentleman, back for one night only -

November 3^rd

A nation will be decided

We will move forward

November 3^rd

We will fly our colors high

Rich, diverse and beautiful

November 3rd

We will stand together

As we did on Sept 12^th - united in our firm resolve

November 3^rd

We will stand focused on the goal of protection

Building a world that will be better for our children

November 3^rd

We will be the best that we can be

Together, proud and strong

November 3^rd

Is a day that will stand tall in the

History of America

November 3^rd

All those who have stood apart

Will step up

November 3^rd

The greatness that we can be, once were

Will be realized

November 3^rd

The past will step to the podium

And accept defeat

November 3^rd

All of America will accept their victory

We will be as we should be

November 3^rd

Will be the day of light,

celebration and progress will guide our future

Or

on November 3^rd

We will be proclaimed the country of idiots

And we will have crowned our king

Super Mom

As I sat trying to move four items off of the table yesterday at one time while restraining my 14 month old I contemplated the heroic powers given to me by each of my children.

Maya created: The One Armed Wonder
I still marvel at what one is capable of doing with only one hand. I have mastered knitting single handedly. I can crochet, do needlepoint and cook a full course meal, all with only one free hand. I can, of course, hold a 50 pound bag in one arm for HOURS while completing these tasks with the other.

Dean created: Octomom
Octomom is able to use all eight arms at once. Retrieving precariously perched babes from rocking chairs while simultaneously moving glasses, remote controls, scissors and of course dogs out of reach. Octomom is a wonder to watch. She moves with lightning speed around what at first seems like a perfectly safe and habitable home but quickly turns into a hot bed of danger and life-threatening situations.


These powers combined have made me into: Supermom.
Soother of booboos, reader of books, a kissing and hugging machine.
Look down on the floor! It's a nurse, it's a maid - It's SuperMOM.

What's your superhero power?