Monday, November 03, 2008

On the eve of something...

I have been ignoring the election for the last few days.

And I realized today that it is due to one simple reason.

I
am
terrified.

Down in the depths of my stomach terrified.

I am not sure what I will do if Obama is not the next president.

I didn't realize just how much this means to me.

I very much want to believe that this is the country I live in.

The country that would choose Obama.

A country that would elect change.

A country that actually represents what our fore fathers intended.

Freedom

And Justice

And equality for everyone.

I want this country to be the package we have been promised.

The promise we were given as children.

The victory that my parents fought for and my grandparents bled for.

I don't believe that this election is about race but I do think it is about opportunity. And I do think it is about stepping forward. Stepping toward a tomorrow that is colored with promise and opportunity.

And equal opportunity.

And a chance for a future that is hopeful for everyone.

And as someone of color, I find that this is about race for me. If Obama were who he is, and standing for what he stands for and he were white he would still be my choice.

But he isn't. His skin is the color of my family.

I would love to believe that my brother could be president, that my nephew could be president.

I have been told this. Promised this.

But deep down I knew it wasn't true.

I didn't believe it. Not really.

Obama has made me hope for this.

He represents the promise kept.

Equality and opportunity.

I don't think I wanted to admit how much this meant.

I chose to ignore it.

And now it scares me to my soul.

A people is standing up to be heard.

I pray they are loud enough.


I want us to have the America that Obama promises.

We deserve it.

All of us.

2 comments:

MemeGRL said...

It's a pit-of-the-stomach night, that's for sure. I was listening to NPR do a quick thing on Motown Records of 1966 and hearing Stevie Wonder, I was overcome with wanting this for all my friends who are African-American, which I hadn't quite let myself feel yet. I want to live in that America too.
I am in many ways petrified about the national conversation of the next four years if he wins. But I want this for him, for you, and many of my other friends so badly too.
See you on the other side of the polls!

Aunt Becky said...

I'm scared, too. I'm trying not to think of it too much until I know anything at all for sure.