So I am having a balancing problem again.
I suffer from this from time to time and I can't quite work through it enough to move past it. Maybe it's a constantly moving object and I will never really solve the problem just rearrange the load until it works and then begins to tilt again eventually.
Me time, kid time, husband time, house time, friend time.
I have come to a realization: I am a bit controlling.
I have a hard time letting my husband do a job that I do, differently. Note that I am not saying that he will not do it as well as I do. But, he will do it differently. I have been unwilling to allow for this.
So I moan that the distribution of work is unfair. And I get tired and cranky and overwhelmed. He is happy to help. He is happy to do anything that I want him to. Sometimes it bothers me that this is the way it works. That he is waiting for guidance. But then I realize that I am in control. This is a control that I have chosen to assume and I cannot complain when it works against me occassionally.
We talked about this tonight. I made a point to stress that I am coming to terms with my own short comings and I would like some more help from him. I tried hard to be sure that he understood that this was my problem and I was in no way pointing a finger at him but admittedly even though he tried to understand it he said he still felt like I was calling him a dead beat.
He also said that anything I currently do will require a "transition period". That I cannot expect that he will all of the sudden know the ages at which the kids need check ups, what bills post to the account on what days, etc. I understand this too. And yet...it annoys me.
I learned this stuff. I wasn't born with the knowledge of health check ups, tax dates and bill payment.
Such a dilemma. I do not like the lunches he packs for the kids. BUT THEY ARE JUST LUNCHES!!!!! The kids will eat and be healthy and all will be fine in the world. If I want to share the responsibility I have to admit to the fact that he will do things differently. And I think as all good racists will tell you different=bad. I will not be a lunch racist.
I need to practice love and tolerance. I need to delegate and realize that the end result - happy kids, paid bills, Drs. Appts made and kept, meals that I would not have made myself but still satisfy the hunger. Are all the signs of love and balance.
And choose. What do I know I can most easily stay out of? Because I know it is not fair to pass something on to him and then micromanage the task. Not fair to either of us and defeating the point.
I hate bills.
I will create a calendar or when payments post. I will include when pay checks are due to deposit. And I will answer each question with the happy knowledge that the more he knows, the sooner I will no longer have to worry about the bills.
I married this man because he is my best friend and my life partner.
In Him I trust.
So he will make lunches every other day and help with bills.
I can already feel the scales shifting.